


Love is selfless

by seektheinfinite



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Aftermath, Alternate Ending, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-22
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-24 01:30:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8350987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seektheinfinite/pseuds/seektheinfinite
Summary: “Rob…. Robert!” He’s not entirely sure how long he’s been standing there zoned out for but judging by the concerned look that Vic and Adam are giving him right now it was probably too long.

 
What if Robert didn't walk away from the crash completely unscathed?





	

**Author's Note:**

> My first fic in the Emmerdale fandom courtesy of thisissirius who has infected me with her love for Robron. This was inspired by our discussion that Robert was the only one in the accident that got away unscathed, well I wanted to change that and it resulted in this. I hope that I have done them justice. 
> 
> WARNING: Warning at the end that will spoil the fic.

Robert can feel the adrenaline draining from his body as they make their seemingly endless journey to the hospital. God why won’t the bloody van go any faster. He needs to be with Aaron; needs to know that his heart is still beating, that he’s going to be okay.

“Can’t this thing go any faster.” It’s out of his mouth before he can stop himself and Victoria is giving him a look that says she doesn’t know whether to yell at him or hug him. Because they’ve been through a lot him and her, but she has never seen him quite like this before. It’s scary because Roberts always been so strong.

“Rob, I know you want to get to Aaron okay. I’m going as fast as I can. You’ve just been in one car accident; I really don’t feel like getting into another right now.”

Robert sighs before looking down at his hands in his lap, which he now notices are shaking. When did that happen?

“Please Vic, I just…I need to know he’s safe.” It’s all he can think about, this all-consuming litany in his mind of Aaron, Aaron, Aaron. Nothing else in the world matters right now he just needs to feel him, be with him.

“I know, I’m sorry. He’s going to be okay.” She glances over to Robert giving him a quick once over with her eyes before going back to the road. From what she can see he seems to be okay, he’s come out of this relatively unscathed; physically at least.

Despite the lack of any visible wounds she can’t help but notice the tremors in his hands and the way that they seem to be migrating up to the rest of his body. He’s shaking, and she can’t tell right now whether that’s from shock, or cold or some invisible injury that he’s not telling her about.

“Are you okay?”

Robert gives her a look as if to say what the hell. “Of course I’m not okay. My…the love of my life is on his way to hospital and I have no idea if he’s going to be okay. I feel like my worlds falling apart and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. God Vic, if he doesn’t make it, I don’t know what I’m going to do…”

Robert’s in tears now, great sobbing gulps that he’s powerless to stop.

Victoria’s startled by the vehemence behind Robert’s words, the fact that he calls Aaron love of his life. She’s never heard that from him before. She feels so stupid, what a question to ask, but it hadn’t been taken the way she had intended. She knows that he’s not okay mentally, she just needs to know that he’s okay physically. She needs to know if he’ going to collapse on her on their way to the hospital because she doesn’t think that she’s strong enough to keep driving if that were to happen.

Instead she doesn’t say anything, there is nothing to say. She wants to say it will all be alright, but then that might just be a lie and she doesn’t think Robert will ever forgive her if it doesn’t turn out to be true. So instead she settles for an awkward pat on his arm and a slight squeeze in a way that she hopes will be reassuring, but she knows that it’s not much good at this point. The only thing that can make any of this better is for Aaron to be okay. Please let him be okay.

 

* * *

 

 “Where is he?” Robert asks the question but he’s not entirely sure he wants to know the answer. If he’s not _here_ then clearly it’s serious and Adam never was good at poker. His face is screaming at him that everything is very much not okay.

“He’s in surgery.”

It hits him like a bullet to the chest and it’s like all the air is being forced from his lungs. He’s distantly aware that he’s saying something to Adam he has no idea what, and any reply is drowned out by the deafening sound of his racing heart beat pounding in his ears.

“Rob…. Robert!” He’s not entirely sure how long he’s been standing there zoned out for but judging by the concerned look that Vic and Adam are giving him right now it was probably too long. He just, can’t seem to muster the energy to respond. It’s taking all he has right now to remain upright, the adrenaline having completely left him now. Instead he settles for a slight head movement, enough for Victoria to register that he has in fact heard her.

“Come on, we should go and find somewhere to sit. Then I think we need to find someone to look at you. You’re looking really pale, and you’re still shaking.” Victoria purses her lips in concern at the lack of response from her older brother. She hopes that it’s just shock and not something more serious, but then he was in the water for a considerable amount of time. 

“Come on Rob man, before you fall down eh.” Adam places a guiding hand gently on Robert’s upper arm whilst Victoria takes the other side.  When it’s clear that the other man is going to make no effort to move, Adam gives him a firm tug in the direction of the family room, whilst Victoria gives an encouraging squeeze.

Adam can see that she’s trying to keep it together for Robert’s sake, but he knows his wife, and he knows that she’s scared. Hell, even he’s terrified that Aaron isn’t going to make it through this, and seeing the state that Robert is in right now, he doesn’t want to think about the consequences of him not making it.

 

* * *

 

“Everyone’s busy right now, but they’re going to send someone in to check him over as soon as they can.” Victoria re-enters the family room, two cups of coffee in hand. She hands one to Adam before attempting to do the same to Robert who ignores her completely in favour of staring at the same spot on the floor he was looking at 15 minutes ago when she left. “Has he said anything while I was gone?”

Adam sighs, shuffling forward on his chair to take Victoria’s hand in his own. “He hasn’t moved at all. He’s just staring at that same spot on the floor. But Vic, he’s just in shock babe, he’ll be okay. We’ll get through this together, no matter what happens. Okay?” He squeezes her hand reassuringly, and attempts a smile that he’s not feeling.

Victoria gives a half smile in return before once again glancing over to Robert. He looks okay, on the outside at least which should be a slight reassurance if nothing else, but somehow there’s a knot in the pit of her stomach that she just can’t shake. This is not Robert, not the brother she knows who always has an answer for everything and never shuts up. His still silence is disconcerting and she wishes he would just say _something, anything_. So, she says the first thing that comes into her head.

“Hey I forgot. Did he say yes?”

Adam gives her a slight frown because he obviously has no idea what she’s talking about. Robert had sworn her to secrecy until he’d asked Aaron. She was entirely sure that this was the best topic of conversation to be bringing up right now, but then if It got Robert to talk it would have to do.

Robert glances up towards her, the pain evident in his eyes. The edges of his vision begin to blur as he tries not to look away as he replies. “I didn’t get to ask him, not properly”.

Before anything else can be said between them Chas and Liv are there, striding towards him wanting answers that he simply can’t give.

“How is he?”

He wants to respond but his mouths gone dry and he just can’t look Chas in the eye. The pain that he sees reflected at him from her eyes is overwhelming. The room is swimming around him, and it’s taking all his strength to remain standing. He’s fine. If he keeps telling himself that maybe it will be true, because he has to be fine. All their efforts have to be focused on Aaron right now.

He’s relieved then that Vic takes over, giving them the information that they so desperately need. “Erm, they rushed in for an op, internal injuries because of the crash. That’s what the said on the last update anyway.”

“Right well I’m going to need another one.” He barely hears Chas’ reply as she’s out of the door to the waiting room, off in search of some poor doctor or nurse who’s about to discover what it means when a member of the Dingle family is in trouble.

He makes it back to the chair in one piece and slowly the room around him comes back into focus. But his hands are still shaking and he can see Liv watching him out of the corner of his eye, so he makes a concerted effort to hide them in his lap. They don’t need to be worrying about him, he’s fine.

“You saved him.”

It’s a simple enough statement, three little words but they cut through the fog of Robert’s brain like a knife. He made it out of the car, she’s got that part right but what if, ultimately he fails in his efforts to keep Aaron alive. How is he ever going to be able to look Liv in the eye again if he lets her brother die.

“I…I don’t know.” Suddenly he needs to get out of here, the room is too small. He can’t bear to be looked at like he’s come of hero, because he’s not. He can’t tell anyone that he was motivated to save Aaron from his own selfish desire to not be alone again. To not lose the love of his life.

Before he knows what he’s doing he’s grabbing his jacket and the keys to Vic’s van and practically running down the hospital corridor. He doesn’t know if anyone’s following him, in all honesty he doesn’t care because he must get back to that damn quarry and find the ring.

The way he’s feeling right now he’s pretty certain that he shouldn’t be driving. There’s a pounding headache beginning to build behind his right eye and damn it his hands won’t stop shaking but he has to do this.

He’s probably being crazy and irrational but he needs that ring, so that when Aaron comes around from the surgery. He will come around. He can slip it onto his finger and make him his fiancée. Just the thought of it takes his breath away; Aaron Dingle his fiancée.

That ring will be a symbol of all the crap that they’ve been through to get where they are right now. A symbol of strength, love and hope. That no matter what the universe throws at them they will weather it together and they’ll come out stronger in the end.

 

* * *

 

He’s at the quarry before he knows it. Should he be concerned that he has no recollection of the drive over here. The last thing that he remembers is standing in the hospital parking lot searching for Vic’s van.

He pushes that to the back of his mind, focusing on doing what he needs to do so that he can get back to Aaron.

He’s in the water and diving towards the car before he has time to think that perhaps this is not one of his better ideas. No one even knows he’s out here, anything could happen. But he needs that damn ring.

It seems to take an eternity to find the car, and he can already feel himself running out of air. It wasn’t this hard the first time, when Aaron was…. He pushes that thought away, reaching for the glovebox where he’s stashed the ring. Grabbing it he makes his painfully slow way back up the surface of the lake.

Everything is burning now, his lungs, his legs, his head. His whole body feels like it’s on fire and he’s not sure that he has the strength left to make it to the surface and back to the shore. It’s the thought of Aaron back in the car,  _just leave me_ that spurs him on. He’d told him that he wasn’t going anywhere, they went together or not at all, he wasn’t going to break that now.

Finally breaking the surface of the water, Robert flings himself towards the bank. He’s not entirely sure how long he lies there for, desperately trying to force some air back into his lungs. To him it feels like seconds but in reality, it’s closer to 15 – 20 minutes.

When he’s pretty certain that the loud drummer that has currently taken up residence in his head is not going to stop anytime soon he decides to make an effort to move. As much as he would love to just stay here, he needs to get moving. Needs to get back to Aaron. He’s also pretty sure that Vic and Adam will be sending out a search party for him soon if he doesn’t come back

 

* * *

 

 

“Don’t hurry back or anything.” Any other time and Robert would have a smart remark to make back at Liv as he entered the waiting room to find her and Chas. But right now he really doesn’t care, he just needs to know if Aaron is okay.

“Is he out yet?”

“Not yet.” Chas’ reply is almost whispered as though she doesn’t want to say it. He can feel the black fog descending around his vision again his legs are beginning to buckle under the pressure of it all but then Chas is there, and she’s hugging him. Somehow that simple act is enough to give him the strength to keep going, to just keep standing for a little while longer; just until they know Aaron is going to be okay.

Chas’ is commenting on the state of his clothes, and really he hadn’t noticed that he was still dripping water all over the floor of the waiting room. This certainly isn’t how he had planned on telling her about asking Aaron to marry him. They were supposed to be doing this together, and the ring was supposed to be on Aaron’s finger, not still in the box in his jacket pocket.

“I left this in the car.” He’s pulling the box from his pocket, desperately trying to hold his hands steady for just a few seconds.

“The car that sank?” Liv’s looking at him like he’s lost his mind.

“Is that what I think it is.” There’s a hint of something in Chas’ voice. He’s not sure if it joy or shock or perhaps a mix of both. But a slight nod of the head is all he gives in acknowledgement.

He swallows hard, has to get this out because they need to know just how much Aaron means to him.

“He was doing my head in. I was trying to make it perfect and he kept ruining it.” Now was not the time to tell them about the whole Lachlan debacle; that could be left for another day. “I finally manage to get the words out and then he’s in the back of an ambulance and I’m not with him.”

He’s never going to forgive himself or Lachlan for the fact that he wasn’t there when Aaron needed him the most. He should have been with him, holding his hand, telling him that it was going to be alright. Instead he’d been trying to save that little weasel, who’d stood and watched him from the bank. By the time he’d realised it was too late and Aaron was gone; Adam taking his place by his side.

“He’s stubborn, isn’t he. He’s never going to make it easy for you.” He appreciates Chas’ attempt to bring some humour into the situation but nothing can cut through the deep ache that he’s feeling in his heart right now.

“I wasted so much time. I get everything figured out and then this.” He’s crying now and he really doesn’t care because this can’t be the end. This is meant to be the beginning of them not the end.

He’s crying freely now, the tears flowing as though he’s opened the damn and there’s no stopping them. He’s vaguely aware of Chas talking about big gay weddings and getting trollied. Liv’s talking about someone drinking out a welly.

It takes him a moment to make the connection that she’s talking about him. He’ll be a Dingle. That’s certainly something he never thought he would say.  Cain Dingle and him, related. Now that’s a sobering thought.

They’re both looking at him now, waiting for some kind of response so he goes with “Over my dead body.” Pushes up a smile that he’s really not feeling, and just that effort is enough to send his stomach roiling as the drummer in his head takes it up a notch.

He’s just about to excuse himself to the bathroom when a doctor appears in the doorway. “Family of Aaron Dingle.”

 

* * *

 

Standing here watching Aaron sleep Robert is struck by how fragile he looks lying there in the hospital bed surrounded by machines. Those same machines that are offering him some measure of comfort; because despite the fact that Aaron isn’t awake yet, isn’t moving, they offer constant reassurance that he is in fact alive. His heart is still beating. He’s going to be okay.

He’s watching Aarons face for any sign of movement so he almost misses it when a finger twitches. But it’s there, it’s real. Aaron is coming back to him. The twitch is followed by the most beautiful thing that he’s ever seen; two brown eyes staring back at him. For a moment, he forgets to breath. He finds himself clinging onto the railings at the side of the bed because he’s pretty sure that if he wasn’t holding onto something right now he would be on the floor.

“Don’t you ever do that to me again.” He needs to say it because he needs Aaron to hear it. To know that he really would not be okay if he were to leave him. But then they’ve had their share of bad luck to last a lifetime between them; this is going to be their happy ending.

“Yeah.” It’s almost a whisper and if all his attention hadn’t been focused on Aaron he probably would have missed it. Just hearing Aarons voice again, something he thought for a while there would be relegated to just a memory is enough to make him dizzy with joy, excitement, love.

There’s a litany of words that he wants to say. All the things that he’s been thinking the last few hours threatening to get out but instead all he can manage is a strained “good.”

Aaron smiles. Damn that smile could make everything alright again. “No, I mean yeah.”

It takes him a second before he realises what Aaron is saying, and then it hits him. He’s accepting the proposal. Aaron was going to be his husband. The reality of that one simple brought everything crashing home. The ring, he needed to get the ring. He’d gone back into the quarry for it after all. Once Aaron had the ring everything would be perfect.

He’d wanted today to be perfect, instead it had been the complete opposite and yet none of that mattered now as he slid the ring gently onto Aarons finger. Everything was as it should be. Aaron was going to be okay, and he was going to be Robert’s; forever.

“I love you so much.” Aaron grabbed hold of Robert’s hand and squeezed. It was a simple gesture but just about all he had the strength for after the surgery.

“I ….aaarghh.” Robert was struck by a stabbing pain just over his right eye. It felt as though someone was trying to drill right through his skull. He tried to hold onto Aaron, didn’t want to let him go but his vision was greying out on him and he could feel his legs turning to jelly beneath him. The last thing he heard before he hit the floor was Aaron screaming his name.

“Robert!!” Aaron had barely had time to register what was happening before Robert was sliding to the floor in front of him. This couldn’t be happening. Not now. “Mum! Do something!” He tried to sit up in the bed, to go to his fallen fiancée but was pushed back by Liv. Any other time and he would have been embarrassed by the fact that a teenage girl was stronger than him but right now all he could focus on was Robert.

Chas was around the other side of the bed before he’d even spoken. She stepped past Robert to the door of the private room. “I need some help in here, now!!!”

“No, no, no. Robert, no. Come on, you’ve got to wake up.” Despite Liv’s restraining arms Aaron fought with all he had. He needed to get to Robert.”

Chas was on the floor now, checking for a pulse; where the hell were all the doctors. Didn’t they know that this was the love of his life and there was no way in hell that he was going to lose him today. They had so much to do together.

 

* * *

 

“Adam, what happened?” Victoria came around the corner, just back from seeing Finn to find out how his Dad was doing and she was confronted with the sight of a large number of medical personnel desperately running into Aarons room. “Oh god no, please no.”

Running towards the door she was caught by Adam’s waiting arms. “Babe, I don’t know okay. Chas just came out and said they needed help. I don’t know what’s happened. But listen, we need to stay here okay. We’ve just got to wait here.”

The doors to Aaron’s room swung open, and she was confronted with the sight of Robert being wheeled away down the corridor, with people shouting about possible head injuries. She felt her legs give way underneath her, if it hadn’t been for Adam holding her up she would have crashed to the floor.

Chas was in front of her now, saying something but she couldn’t process anything. Her mind filled with the image of Robert on that bed. She couldn’t go through this again. He was okay. He’d told her he was fine. How could this happen?

“I…I knew he should have got checked out. I told him, and he…. he left and went back to the quarry to get the ring. Oh God, this is my fault. I should have made him stay.” She was sobbing now in Adam’s arms, and Chas was there grabbing her face, making her focus.

“Listen to me. This is not your fault okay. This is no one’s fault. He is going to be okay. Aaron is not going to lose him, not now.” She gave Victoria a reassuring squeeze on the arm before returning back to Aaron’s room, leaving Adam to look after Victoria.

 

* * *

 

Aaron was sure that time had slowed down, that was the only explanation for the fact that he felt like he’d been waiting a lifetime to get any news on Robert’s condition.

“What the hell is taking so long?” He snapped, hand thumping the bed beside that was pretty much all he had the energy for right now. Chas, Liv, the doctors had all insisted that he try and get some sleep. That it would be a while before they got any updates on Robert’s condition. How the hell was he supposed to sleep when the man he loved was currently in surgery for a brain haemorrhage.

There had been talk of possible brain damage and side effects and Aaron couldn’t even begin to think about that right now. He just needed Robert to be alive; whatever came afterwards they could deal with, together.

“Love, try to calm down.” Chas was leaning over the rail on the right side of the bed, hand gently stroking his arm. He knew she was only trying to help but right now he couldn’t deal with it. He wanted her to be there with him, but at the same time he just wanted to be left alone.

He was just about to respond when the door opened to reveal a very grim faced doctor. The heart monitor beside him started to scream as he could feel his heart hammering inside his chest. He couldn’t breathe, no this was not happening. He couldn’t lose him.

“Aaron, calm down. It’s okay. Robert made it through the surgery.” He wasn’t sure when the doctor had moved from the doorway to his bedside but he was leaning over Aarons bed now, frowning at the heart monitor beside him. “Aaron, I really need you to try to calm down okay, or I’m going to have to give you something to help you.”

He could feel Chas on his other side, stroking her fingers through his hair, the soothing words she was uttering finally beginning to filter through to his brain. “Robert’s alive, he’s alive.” A continued string of the same four words over and over, hoping that one of them would stick.

Robert was alive. He’d made it through the surgery, but what else. He needed to know what else. He needed to calm down. Aaron forced himself to take slow deep breaths in a concerted effort to slow his heart rate. He really did not want to be sedated.

“That’s good, well done. Nice deep breaths.” The doctor seemed to be frowning a little less now, and the heart monitor had finally stopped screaming at him.

“How….” He swallowed thickly. He needed to get the words out, but at the same time he wasn’t sure that he was ready to know. “How is he?”

The doctor considered him for a moment as though debating whether he was ready to hear the news or not.

“Robert suffered a bleed on the brain in the accident. It was a slow bleed which meant that he was able to seem relatively okay for several hours. He would have been experiencing some symptoms but it seems as though he dismissed them as nothing. Sometimes with this type of bleed it can stop on its own, unfortunately with Robert this was not the case. The pressure on his brain continued to build until it all became too much for him. We took him to surgery and we were able to relieve the pressure on his brain before it did too much damage. We’re not sure of the long-lasting side effects yet, we won’t know until he wakes up. It could be that he’s fine; but I have to prepare you for the very real possibility that there may be some brain damage. I’m sorry.”

Aaron had stopped listening properly after she had said that he was alive and made it through surgery. Anything else they could deal with together, just as long as they were together they could take on the world.

“When can I see him?”

Aaron couldn’t help but notice the frown that ran across her face at that. “You’re not in a fit state to be going anywhere just yet, and Robert is going to be unconscious for a good while yet.”

“Please, isn’t there some way we can get them in a room together or something? They’ve just got engaged.” Chas was there beside him. He was glad that she had stepped in because he needed to see Robert, now. He needed to feel him, to know he was alive.

The doctor pursed her lips in though, but she must have seen something in their faces that made her take pity on them. “I’m not promising anything but I will see what I can do.” She turned to Aaron. “Just as long as you promise not to start getting worked up again. You need your rest, and I can’t have you doing anything that’s going to jeopardise your recovery.”

“Please just let me see him and I promise I will be the model patient.” Aaron gave her his best winning smile. He wasn’t above playing cute if it meant that it got him to see Robert.

The doctor sighed, clearly seeing that she wasn’t going to win. “I will see what I can do.”

 

* * *

 

“You can have ten minutes and then it’s back to bed. You need your rest. Okay.” The nurse is pushing him into the room and he feels so stupid sitting here in a wheelchair but this is the only way he could get them to let him see Robert. He really doesn’t care, he’d come out here naked if it meant he got to see Robert, even for a second. He just need to see those beautiful blue eyes, feel the beat of heart in his chest. He just needed to see for himself that Robert was alive.

“Yeah okay.” Aaron isn’t looking at her when he talks, he can’t take his eyes off Robert, the large bandage on his head seeming to blend in with the rest of his face he’s so pale. He knows it’s stupid and not something he should be worrying about right now but he can’t help but chuckle to himself at the fact that Robert is going to be so pissed when he sees what they’ve done to his hair; one side completely shaven.

“You idiot.” He wants to hit him, to yell, to scream for not getting himself checked out. He’s spoked to Vic, Adam, his mum, Liv. Nobody noticed because Robert was so focused on him that he’d been hiding the fact that there was anything wrong. They’d even hold him he’d gone back down to the stupid quarry to get the ring back. He’d felt like taking it off and throwing it then, that was back when they were waiting for news and he couldn’t stand to look at it knowing that if he hadn’t gone back he might have been okay. If he’d not been stressed, or overexerting himself the bleed might have not gotten so bad. They might have been able to get it sooner, and then none of this would have happened.

But it had happened, and Robert had gone back for it and it was never coming off his finger again.

He doesn’t know what else to say so he doesn’t say anything, just laces his fingers into Robert’s and sits there, watching for the flutter of eyes that is sure to come.

It’s his hand that twitches first, barely imperceptible, and if Aaron hadn’t been so focused he’s sure he would have missed it.

“Robert, hey Robert. I’m here. You’re okay. Just…open your eyes for me okay. Please.” If there was a hint of pleading in his voice Aaron didn’t care. He just needed Robert to open his eyes.

“…ron?” It was the best thing that Aaron had ever heard.

“Yeah, I’m here. You’re okay. Everything’s going to be okay.”

“Love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING for brain haemorrhage and possible brain damage.


End file.
